Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Heartbreaking List of Monica's Staggering Problems

We were recently fortunate enough to have purchased for us a spunky little Volkswagen (the Afrikaaners would say Vullksvvahhhggghen) Golf Citi, named Monica because-in this Friends-obsessed household-she now joins our fleet alongside Chandler the Pickup Truck. She is a true, definitional beater.

Monica in better days:

Our suspicions were first aroused when, on her maiden voyage back to Richmond from the purchase site Colesberg, Monica's gas tank leaked out nearly all of its gas. We didn't realize until the morning after, when the smell of a pool of gasoline which had formed overnight caught our attention. A comprehensive list of Monica's faults follows.

- Gas tank major leak (fixed by Schuman the Handyman)

- Oil tank major leak (fixed by Vossie the Mechanic)

- Sound system only works on driver's side speaker (fixed by repeatedly kicking passenger side door)

- Driver side back door will not open (fixed by never using driver side back door)

- "Vehicle Immobilizer" technology appreciated but consantly sets off car alarm at seemingly random intervals (when people look at you strangely while driving around with a car alarm on, fixed by personally knowing every policeman in Richmond)

- Ignition will not turn when it is 95 degrees outside and hotter in the car (fixed by sweat-soaked Chris not being an idiot and realizing that you have to move the steering wheel ever-so-slightly to fix something and prepare for ignition sequence)

- Accelerator pedal stuck to floor (*this actually happened to Anna yeserday; fixed by Schuman the Handyman after Anna careened around Richmond trying not to kill people or donkeys)

Monica goes in to the VW garage in De Aar for a full servicing on January 13th. Pray for us until then.


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